A goat??!

I have a very interesting relationship with my five year old daughters hair….actually, I guess the relationship is with the owner of the hair. Let’s just say she won’t let me near it and as such it is often in a state that I would rather it wasn’t in. Last week I was granted access…it was short and painful for all involved but at least I had access.
‘Mum, Holly said I look like a goat.’ My five year old stated matter of factly as we drove home from school.  

‘I don’t even look like a goat. How can a goat possibly look like me?!’

I was amazed at her logic but I understood Holly’s comment. I was impressed that Holly had made this observation despite the fact that the ‘horns’ were not equally positioned.

‘Maybe she said that because of your hairstyle.’ I started to explain.

‘My hairstyle! That’s silly! Goats don’t have hair like me!’ She chuckled to herself at what she was now convinced was the most ridiculous statement she had heard.  

‘Goats don’t even have hair!!!!’

‘I think she was referring to the horns’ I continued

‘Horns!!!! I don’t have horns!’ She giggled.  This was really very amusing to her. 


We went back and forth for a few more minutes with me trying to explain why Holly may have compared her looks to that of a goat but I was wasting my time; she was totally unphased by what might have been considered insulting by someone else (certainly by a grown up). She was more concerned, it appeared, by her friends inability to correctly identify a goat! I love it….my five year old is confident!  And she knows that she doesn’t look like a goat.
100% Human. 100% sure of herself.

Knows what a goat looks like, and knows it doesn’t look like her!

Not like my mum

It was a nice day and my dear husband had promised to take our two youngest out for some fresh air. He was having a lie down and trying his best to delay the outing but finally had to give in and get up. The children were waiting impatiently by the door;

4year old – Daddy! We are just going to wait for you outside.

Daddy – No you are not! Wait till I’m ready then we can go together.

4year old – But mum always lets us wait outside!

Daddy – I am not your mother. Do I look like your mother?

4year old – No! You are not like my mummy. You are bald!!!

img_4331

Hmmm. She’s right but I don’t think that is quite where he was going!

100% human. Likely to answer questions honestly. Watch what you ask!

p.s I don’t actually let them wait outside!

 

 

You can hope

My almost eleven year old daughter came into the sitting room to complain about the length of her skirt.  She has been wearing a 6-7 year old skirt for the last couple of years or so because she likes the style; admittedly size wise she comes up smaller than her age but not five years younger!   I allowed it because until now it fit her and did not look like it was many years too small.  Well now it does!  I have spent the last six months looking for a skirt in a similar style so the exchange can be made but every single skirt has been unacceptable; too straight, too flared, too long, wrong pleat………

Now you may ask why I tolerate this, let me explain; we are coming from a place where because of her allergies she would literally cover herself from head to toe and she definitely wouldn’t wear skirts, so I am keen to encourage her to wear skirts, but it is important not only that she is comfortable in them but also that they are decent.

Anyway so in she walks in one of the many rejected skirts (which I must add as far as I can see is identical to the much loved 6-7 year old skirt). As I have now seized the 6-7 year old skirt she is having to find an alternative.

‘Oh I like that !’ I said and I meant it.  It was smart, if a bit long.

‘It is a little bit long though’ I continued

‘It is sooo ugly!’

‘It’s identical to the one you love, just longer.  We can sort that out, I will take it up’

‘Okay’ she said reluctantly as she pulled the tag off it and flung it across the room.

‘I hope you are going to put that in the bin’  I said

‘Yeah well you can hope’ she responded quickly and attempted to continue speaking, pleased with her quick ‘witty’ response.

‘I BEG YOUR PARDON!’

There is a fine line between humour and offense and this one is stepping over…

Dictionary definition of the word hope.

100% human. Will push the boundaries….O Lord give me strength!

D is for Dog

My fourteen year old is very capable.  He has been blessed with great ability, both academically and physically and as such he is involved in lots of activities to enhance his learning and competes in lots of sporting events.  This does mean that he often is out of class for one event or the other and sometimes misses crucial lessons.  He is supposed to catch up on them but because he knows he can probably do relatively well without putting in too much effort, it has come to my attention that he doesn’t always and so far he has got away with it.

His school is very good at keeping us up to date with his progress, both good and bad so we often receive letters informing us of how he is doing. The other week we received a letter saying that they were very happy with his progress, he was exceeding all his targets but they were concerned about his English.

English!?!!?? I was a bit taken aback because English is one of his best subjects. The letter didn’t give any further information so that evening when he returned from school I told him about it.

‘Ah yes, I got a D’

‘B ’  I said confidently, obviously that is what he said!

‘Na, a D’ He responded.

The African in me flew out….D???!!!  Ah ah how? Why? I couldn’t get my head round it. And he said ‘na’!!!! Is it any surprise he got a D in English when he can’t even articulate ‘no’ properly?!!

‘D for Dog?  Or B for Ball?’ I asked in a shout.

He looked at me baffled, like I was losing it.  Clearly the African in me needs to emerge more often..

‘I got a D mum, chill!  But I got everything right, I can show you the paper’. He tried hard to hide the snigger that was surfacing as he met this new side of mum.  To be fair, I had not been hiding her but I guess she never had reason to emerge in such an aggressive manner.

‘Show me!  How can you have got everything right yet you got a D? AND DON’T TELL ME TO CHILL!’

‘Mum!  What’s wrong with you, you are taking it all a bit …….’

‘SHOW ME!’  I shouted

image

I could see that he was visibly amused but determined not to ruffle my feathers any further.  He handed me his paper and yes he had got ‘everything right’ but had written too little…..valid reason or not, it was still a D.

I was seconds away from asking the very African question: ‘those who got an A, do they have two heads?!’ I resisted.

Once we got past the situation I was amused; amused at my response, and amused at his response to my response…despite the seriousness of the situation it was actually quite comical.

100% human. This one knows his alphabet, phonics and all!

Light up the bin

I am totally amazed at my fourteen year old’s wit, he’s so quick off the mark!  At Christmas we gave our four year old a voice changer. What is that? You might ask.  Well on the box it says ’10 different voice changing effects’, so for argument’s sake let’s stick with that.

My four year old anxiously tore off the wrapping paper to reveal this purple blue plastic thing which obviously she could not identify:

10-effects-voice-changing-toy

Purple blue voice changer

‘What is it?’ She shouted out trying to be excited about something she clearly didn’t get.

My fourteen year old glanced across at the object, identified it, looked at me and said ‘how could you?!’

Before I could respond he turned to his sister and said:

‘It’s something that lights up the bin.  If you put it in the dustbin it will light it up’ he said with a straight face.

‘Oh!’ She responded excitedly and proceeded to the kitchen to put the toy in the bin.

My fourteen year old giggled to himself and continued doing what he was doing while my eleven year old ran after her sister to save the voice changer from its dustbin fate.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Having retrieved the object and identified its real use, they then spent the next ten minutes annoying their big brother by changing their voices none stop.

I will admit I felt it was sweet justice!

100% human, quick off the mark!

Sweet Smell

My four year old has recently been through a phase of climbing into our bed in the early hours of the morning, (somewhere between 4 and 6am her father tells me!) and being as I am exhausted I don’t even realise it till I wake up in the morning.  This obviously means that she’s been getting away with it as my husband definitely isn’t going to get out of bed to take her back to her bed, instead he moves over to give her space!!!!  The other night she was faffing about in our bedroom and I was losing my patience:

‘Come on now, bedtime.  You need to brush your teeth and go to bed.’

‘Ok mum’ she casually responds and strolls out.

She returned almost immediately much to my annoyance,  picked up a bottle of perfume and started spraying it on herself.

‘It’s bedtime why are you putting on perfume?!’ I asked exasperated. ‘It’s not like anyone is going to smell you tonight’ I continued.

‘You and dad are when I come to sleep in your bed’ she said and promptly left the room while I tried unsuccessfully to keep a straight face.

100% human. 100% clever. Already knows the importance of smelling good.  God help me!

Shhhhhh!!

‘Shhhhh’ my ten year old said in passing.

‘SHHHH!’ my fourteen year old shouted.

Shhh-Chalkboard-Logo-1024x819

‘Why does everyone keep saying shhhh?’  My four year old asked calmly, somewhat perplexed.

I was not too pleased with the way her older siblings had attempted to silence her but I understood their frustration at her constant conversation.

‘Because we are watching a programme and if you are talking we cant hear’ I tried to explain.

‘So how long do I have to be quiet for?’ She asked.  It was clear she wanted to comply but needed to know what she was signing up for.

‘Like an hour’ my ten year old said.

My four year old rolled her eyes; ‘How can I do that? Its not even possible!’ she blurted out surprised at what she thought was a totally unrealistic demand.

And you know what, she’s not far off.  I think that even if she did succeed, I would be concerned.

100% human. This one knows her limits and is not afraid to admit them.

shhh

 

 

Is big fat or old?

‘What does it feel like to be big?’ My three year old asked me.

I paused….big?  Did she mean fat or old? I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as either of these words.

‘What do you mean darling?’

‘What does it feel like to be big? To be 10, to be 13…how does it feel?  Does it feel fun? Or sticky? Or wobbly? Or yucky?’

Well…. what choice! Wobbly!!!  Is that referring to ones balance as one gets older or am I just reading too much into this?!.

‘Fun’ I responded…it was the only option.

She grinned.

‘I can’t wait to be big so I can touch the ceiling, maybe one day I will touch the sky!’

Oh dear….maybe she meant tall!  Didn’t think of that!

I do love the way the things that are important to her are so simple. She wants to touch the ceiling! I bet she forgets that desire when she is ‘big’.

I saw a T-shirt the other day that said ‘Don’t be in a hurry to grow up…it’s a trap’.  Hmmmm

grow up trap

100% human. Refreshingly simple.

 

Give me a reason to love…..

My six year old came in and said ‘Dad said to tell you he loves you’.  I thanked him as he left.

My ten year old overheard the end of the sentence and knowing how often her thirteen year old brother sends my six year old on errands, she assumed that it was my eldest son who had sent the message.

‘Why does he love you?’ she asked

‘He needs a reason?!’ I responded a bit surprised at her question.

She left the room in search of her big brother to question him as to his love for me.

She returned a few minutes later

‘Why does he love you?’

‘You will have to ask him!’

‘I did.  He is not answering me’

‘Oh well, I can’t answer for him’

She leaves again and comes back angry:

‘It was dad who said he loves you!!!’

‘Yes…..and?’

‘Of course he loves you!’ she walked off in a huff.

I smiled.   My child needs a reason to love me but my husband doesn’t!

reas love

100 % person. Still grappling with this whole love thing.

 

No I won’t!

I was driving a new car the other day…. I say ‘new’ but let me clarify; the car is new to me rather than new to the world, in fact thinking about it, the word ‘new’ is probably the wrong choice.

Any way, I was heading to pick up my two middle children and my recently turned four year old was in the car with me.

‘Which one opens the door mum?’

‘Don’t open the door!’ I said sternly, painfully aware of the fact that I wasn’t sure if there was child lock on it or not.  I certainly had not put it on and I couldn’t guarantee that my husband had.

‘Yeah but which one opens the door muuuum?’ she asked impatiently.

Through the mirror I could see her stretch towards the door

‘DO NOT touch the door’ I repeated firmly.

‘You have not answered me muuuuummmm, I still don’t know which one opens the door’. I could not believe it!  Was she kidding?!!!

‘DO NOT TOUCH THE DOOR!’ I said loudly.  Okay, I admit, I shouted!

‘Why?’ she asked casually.

Even though she only said one word I knew she had said many more…..something along the lines of  ‘get a grip mum, you are sooo dramatic, I only asked a question’. I chose to only hear the one word.

‘Because it’s dangerous. If you open the door you could fall out and hit your head on the road’ I said.  Surely that would do the trick, now she would understand why opening the door was not an option.

‘No I won’t’ she piped, ‘I’m wearing my seat belt!’.

She then went on to tell me how important it is to wear a seat belt so that when the car door is opened you don’t fall out!!!

100% person.   This one is a bit of a smartass, watch out!